Beloved reader,
so, this is me, 4 weeks after I have commenced my studies. And guess what: I am already behind schedule. I should be done with Homer and Conrad, should have started on Joyce and Woolf and should have read lots of things for Renaissance Comedy and Approaches to Texts by now. For the latter I have read the stuff for the first two weeks but every time I read things about Theory I fall asleep. I am not joking. Theory is just boring as shit. And yet I know about its importance. And I know it is interesting. It's just that reading texts about theory makes me sleepy. Not my only problem. I often lack motivation and self-discipline. I knew this was coming, I didn't think it was coming so fast, though.
And yet, none of this is much of a problem. My biggest advantage is that I have time! I am not in a hurry to rush through my studies just to earn a degree. No, I can take my time and actually concentrate on my studies and really look into things as much as I want. Time is on my side!
What I mean is, that my first decision will have to be made in January, as that is the month that I have to register for my exams at the latest. By then I will be able to judge whether or not I will sit any of them in 2012 or not. If not, then I will sit them all in 2013. Or maybe I will just take 2 exams next year and the other 2 the year after that. But I am not in a position where I have to stress myself completely so that I could sit all 4 of them in 7 months.
Then again, 7 months is a long time. Considering, however, that I really want to dig deep into the matter of literature and not only scratch on the surface, 7 months is nothing. I could probably spend 7 months only dealing with one book, for example Homer's Iliad or Milton's Paradise Lost. But I gotta deal with some 20 books and 6 plays and lots and lots and lots of secondary readings. That would be about 4 books per month or a book every week. Considering this, a week is not a lot of time to read a book and then dig into the secondary literature.
Of course you might ask now, why I had not started reading earlier, when I already knew that I would do this course and already were aware of the books that I'd have to read. Guess what, I have asked myself the same thing. And then again, it is ok the way it is. Because I had to deal with many other things within the last 12 months, among them getting through a phase of depression and solving a not so easy martial situation. And the last 12 months were awesome! I have traveled for 4 months out of these 12, visited 6 countries, thought a lot about my life and my family, successfully finished a TESOL Certificate with an above average grade, reconciled with my husband and most of all had fun! All this has benefitted my current situation, as I constantly learn about the important things in life, I learn how to be relaxed, how to deal with stressful situations, how to focus on the things I like.
Now all these things are great and my situation could hardly be any better - except the physical separation from my husband - and yet all I lack is motivation and discipline. Or am I? It's not as if I were not doing anything for my studies. No, I do stuff every day. I read and I write and I learn. But then I get distracted for hours on end. I do not think this is too bad, though. I just do stuff at my own pace and not the pace that others try to make me go. Maybe I should try not to get distracted too much by stupid internet sites like facebook, 9gag or lolsnaps. Other distractions are even more fun and are better for the soul: Going for a walk, hanging out with friends, listening to a great piece of music.
Then again, I am always proud when I have accomplished a study-related task, such as working on a difficult chapter, digitalizing my notes, finishing a book, etc.
I would not want to do it any other way. Otherwise I'd do it differently!
Yours sincerely,
Kris
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